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what im sick of [02 Oct 2013|01:31am]
i swear to god I feel I am the scapegoat in every aspect of my life. and the people blaming me finds out there wrong. they never ever say they're sorry for blaming me. this is why i am seriously starting to have my old high school attitude of hating everyone. i was a recluse then and I and i am destined to be recluse my whole life. actually i was more of a wallflower nobody messed with me because of who i knew but no anybody can mess with me and its been proven. i became a victim and i'm fucking tired of being stepped all over. i have fucking feelings. what most people don't know which i'm gonna reveal now is in the 11th grade i went to therapy for depression. and from there i became a cutter because i felt it was the best. i used to use safety pins. and you know what i didnt care i felt good and kept me from doing more extreme stuff. well not entirely majority are faded now. i'm not asking for your sympathy. i'm just saying dont test my patience i don't want to become the girl i was was 12 years ago on the brink of losing it all. i've come so fucking far even with my last incident. that i'm seriously tired of keeping it all in. if you really care. don't like or comment just be there. ok I'm done. i know this is bit much for Facebook. but you know what fuck you if you dont like what i said. cause if youre pissed off at what i said. then you never really cared. if you dare not message me and go to other people asking my family what this meant. then you are dead to me and i dont need you in my life. cause if you really cared you would come ask me.
Protège Moi?

I am the biggest idiot when it comes to guys [23 May 2013|12:36am]
29 years and i still have not learned. why do i always try and go for the guys who are NEVER interested in me. going on 3 years single now and it sucks. the last guy i tried to go for well lets just say he was and is my bartender who was always nice to me even would give me free drinks from time to time. i never thought anything of it in the first 5 months i knew him then something clicked and i thought "hmm he's cute nice funny" what the hell. i should have stopped myself right there. then one day jokingly i say i don;t have his number and he gives it to me and I think Score! I have an in. Or so I thought. then I of course am an idiot when i'm drunk and bored. we had some good conversations and then while I was drunk had some conversations I swear I will never have again in my life with someone i like not unless we really ARE dating. so yeah i later ok 2 weeks later tell him i like him as more than as a friend (yeah idiot move on my part) and he says he doesnt want to have please someone else right now and just please himself. yeah he could have just said "I HAVE NO INTEREST IN YOU OR EVER WILL". then later more regrettable text and what seems like flirtatious conversations and so forth and people inflating my ego saying would make a cute couple, if only...then one day i see a girl who i dont know anything about but had seen she had replied to his old facebook posts and i get nosy/jealous and of course check out her profile and to my surprise (ok not really) she had some pics of the guy and fairly recent posts about the guy. and all i'm thinking i'm such a fucking idiot. he may just be friends with this girl but on list of girls to date i'm not ahead of this other girl and one thing that sparked my thinking that is he said "its not hard to date a vegan" she is i'm not. so yeah. crush is dying fading in to non existant and once again i walk away from another guy i like crushed and wondering how could i have been so stupid. will i stay single from this day forth am i just going to go on holding my own shadows hand into the future. and why do guys not tell me the truth. just tell me you have no interest then i dont have to waste my prettiness at least whats left of the little i did have on you. i should have known from the start but i kept pushing it to the back of my head and it kept eating away like a fungus and i kept pushing it back. so now im back to where i began single and looking but not looking. i truly do enjoy my freedom but sometimes I just want to be able to go home and cuddle with something other than my pillow or my blanket. I want to feel that unconditional love from someone other than a family member. I want to someday give my niece a little cousin. i want what other couples have knowing that someone is there and thinking about them without having to text or call them to remind them that hey im still alive.

god how juvenile can i be dont write on lj for many years and i come back to vent about my latest failure in guyville.
Protège Moi?

yeah i dont update much... [01 Aug 2010|10:09pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

but this one is about the show BIG BROTHER!

I'm currently watching past episodes and damn the people on this show are just making stupid decisions. I mean the first person they should have nominated but didnt is Rachel. Annie was technically just an innocent bystander and had NO alliance with anybody.
Rachel is just annoying. Heck she's jealous of any chick that in the house who "might" get in the way of her relationship. Maybe this is why she slept with him. Let alone in front of cameras...so waiting to her about her sex tape. This girl is just full of herself and poor Brendon he may be smart intellectually but like most guys he thinks with his "manhood" I mean Rachel did do a study on pheromones...Im sorry but REALLY she is not that hot. She has this look that they call the "stink eye" she just always has this sour look on her face and her tits are GROSS! hell my bff gf mom has better tits and shes in her 40s and oh wait those are natural and there DDs. ugh! i want that biz nitch gone and NOW!

Protège Moi?

long time no see peoples... [23 May 2010|10:22pm]
yeah yeah i know its been a long time...

lets see top new from me:

1)i'm a fat ass i've gained 30lbs since i got into relationship
2) still with jasen aka my bf.
3) i love my bf jasen i feel that things may go further but he needs to get a job but jobless since march 2009.
4) still working at panera
5) i truly have no clue what else to tell you
6) cause usually i come home go online do farmville. than nap wake up do more farmville and sleep.
7)on the the weekends i go and hang out/get drunk with friends.
8) other than that not much goes on.
Protège Moi?

i'm in love with my boyfriend.... [11 Jan 2010|06:01pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

like truly madly deeply to the ends of the earth in love.

with him i feel beautiful. i even told him that this morning after we had made love. i told him thank you. cause i look at myself in the mirror now i just want to cry...i gained 20 lbs and its SUCKS! majorly. but when i'm lying with him in bed i dont feel self conscious of my body and i love him so much for that cause he makes me feel fuckin' awesome.

and i can tell he looks at me with no disgust because of his eyes. i call him my pillow. my kitty. my french baguette. my stinky. but i can honestly say that if he ever asked me to be his wife. i would....of course theres stuff we need to fix first...like our financial/living situations. but other than that its frickin' awesome.

sorry i sound all mushy...its amazing he's only my second boyfriend and we've only been together a year but i feel like i could and would be able to spend the rest of my life with him.

other than that....work sucks. my hours suck. i MISS OPENING at my work more. but yeah maybe that will all change when i start work again. MAYBE being the keyword there.

oh my boyfriend went to los angeles this week and was so excited cause his hotel was down the street from robeks (our favorite smoothie place) they used to have one here in fremont but its gone which SUCKS major balls. cause they have soy...and at jamba juice i can get maybe one smoothie drink and that its. but with robeks i can get ANY drink non-dairy...but anyways i told him keep your eyes peeled you may even see a coffee bean and tea leaf...than i said see this is why we NEED to move to L.A., he joked sure in a couple years...which is quite funny cause after that i told him that my best-friend and her gf we're gonna move back down south in a couple years too...my bff gf family lives in so cal...so maybe in the future i will be an la chick...hahahahahaah...ok not that la. but i'll still be me but in a different setting.

ok enough of my rambling...so yeah thats my life so far...and hopefully i'll remember to update more often...maybe.

Protège Moi?

hmm [14 Sep 2009|02:42am]
[ mood | calm ]

i was just wondering this only because i did it earlier today(sunday) even though i know its monday already. but still...

ok the thing i was wondering is i wonder why it feels so comfortable for me to fall asleep between my boyfriends legs...what i mean by that is...i'll lie between his legs and use his thigh as my pillow. and sort of hug the leg.

and its really comfortable and well comforting at the same time. and i'm just wondering why that is.

yeah i do the weirdest things...but i always wonder why i do them.

Protège Moi?

vosges mo's bacon bar... [09 Sep 2009|04:08pm]
if you haven't tried it i don't recommend it...

honestly i'm speaking from experience i love bacon...and i do mean love. if i could i'd eat bacon at every meal.

but there's this chocolate bar put out by vosges and its contains applewood bacon.

and i tried it along with my mother.

she hated it.
and i hated it.

it just tasted like really old bacon.

i've tried bacon right after it was grilled bit into it than a piece of chocolate and it was good. but this bar did capture the flavours that my experience captured.

i had a little bit and i was grossed out.

let me restate again i love love bacon.

but this bar did not quench my taste for bacon/chocolate mixture. maybe i need to go to santa cruz where there's this place that serves bacon strips dipped in chocolate.

but this bar ewww!
Protège Moi?

hmm [31 Aug 2009|12:45pm]
[ mood | amused ]

i just learned this new and interesting word today.

anglophile-persons fond of british culture and united kingdom in general...

i'm sure i could become one...but i don't think i am one...
so key things that could make me seem like i am or on the verge.

-i love the show "skins"
-I think graham norton is hilarious
-one of my favourite tv series is "coupling"
-I say "bollocks" "bugger"
-i spell "flavours" "colour" "favourite" with a "u"
-I love jelly babies...and will go out of my way *cough cough* british specialty shops to get them.
-I recently bought bangers...not sure if i'll eat them with mashers yet. (bangers-sausage, mashers- mashed potatoes.)

I know the difference between a cockney. london. and birmingham accent sounds like.

oh i know the difference between...english, irish, welsh and scottish accents.

so yeah not an anglophile but i'm sure i wanted i could probably work at becoming one. haha

Protège Moi?

hmmm [31 Aug 2009|01:23am]
talking to a really really old friend from school. we're talking i knew him in elementary school...sure he was couple years younger than me and i was mainly friend with his sister.

but i just have to say this...he has the best eye brows EVER!!!!!!
and i do mean EVER! his eyesbrows are like this if i could draw scrip-wise.

/\ ok not as pointy of course...but both eye brows point up in the middle. its like that menacing evil eyebrows but his are natural ever since i knew him i think he was like 7. but yeah best eyebrows EVER....

ok yeah thats all i have to say later peeples! haha
Protège Moi?

i think this may be the one... [29 Aug 2009|10:04pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

my boyfriend i mean...i think he may be the one that i actually stay with as much as i hate his eating habits or lack there of...i think he may be the one i stay with for a very long time. i don't know but but everytime i'm with him i just feel happy and whole and i just feel so so so so happy with him.

i mean come on we even talked about us having our own place and having our own puppies. me a fawn coloured french bulldog named jasper (i mentioned him in an old post) and him having a black pug named zero (i.e. nightmare before christmas) but yeah i could really see me being with this guy for a very long time.

its been a 8 months almost but i just feel happy with him...and he's totally a 180 from my ex-bf. i mean if i go to san fran vy myself he's says :"have fun" not "where are you going"

i honestly do think i love him. i know this is corny but its what i think and well believe.

Protège Moi?

boo!!! [29 Aug 2009|09:30pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

my dad of me quitting smoking may be a lot closer than i had planned or would have hope for...why because clove cigarettes are being banned which suck major ass!!!!!! and the thing that suck...is one of the people backing this ban is a big tobacco company! i didn't care that i had to spend 5 or 6 bucks on a pack...but i only smoked cloves cause all the other shit out there was fuckin' harsh on my throat.

i like cloves...regular cigarettes suck!

so...as soon as the ban is fully in affect i'm quitting smoking...not saying that i like it. but i have no other choice.

5 Protect Me From What I Want | Protège Moi?

if i could.... [25 Aug 2009|06:59pm]
i would severely thank my vice principal at my old high school...
why because she fought to let me do a presentation that let me get the credit i deserved.

unfortunately i can't remember her name right now...but what she did for i will get in full explanation right now.

lets see if i can remember all the detail since they happend over 7 years ago...
this is all i can remember from this day
day starts out as any other day...
i'm in my career decisions class and im not allowed to do my presentation because of the shoes i'm wearing...i'm wearing thongs aka flip-flops.
my teacher says i'm not allowed to do it...and send me to the vice principal...i go there she understands the situations tells me to go the gym to one of the pe teachers luckily its a teacher thats likes me and he's willing to help me out. he find me a pair of tennis shoes i got back to the class do my presentation and pass the class with a b unfortunately...but honestly if it wasnt for my vp and the pe teacher(who i gave a peace of my cheesecake to early in the year. and actually got on his good side) i would have never passed.

may i tell you...without a passing grade from my "career decisions" class i would have nevere graduated.

....on a side note...life is great in relationship land...work land ugh...but hey i'm getting paid...so yeah thats all from me.

laters kiddies
Protège Moi?

omg you suck.... [17 Aug 2009|05:57pm]
no clue what the subject means just felt like typing it and just now realized i say that a lot! ok...i also just realized while replying twitter-style to a friends comment. "do you not see this question mark above my head?" and was thinking "do other people use this phrase" i know i do...and i got it from comic books...cause anytime a character was confused they'd have a question mark above there head. so yeah...i was just wondering that.

oh yeah that all...except i'm still with my boyfriend.
5 Protect Me From What I Want | Protège Moi?

once a month i guess... [15 Jun 2009|11:52pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

on me posting an update...lets see what has gone on.
i went to fanimecon...its like comic con for japanese animation. saw some people i knew. saw some really cool costumes and some really fucked up hentai(hentai is anime porn) all in all it was fun. my boyfriend dressed up as ichigo from bleach...

he's the one being straddled...

thats me with him.

also at fanime i met the guy who does pon and zi.
here's pon and zi.

ok...the next weekend i did my 24 hour relay. i walked a total 19 miles in 17 hours. and omg i hurt so much after that. in total our team raised at least 820 dollars for the american cancer society.

other than that not much has gone on...thats right i forgot.
i was hit with credit fraud last month around the 13th. some ass charged 213 to my card and i only had 40 in my account. so yeah i've been cardless...practically bankless for the past month. and well not moneyless cause i've had to cash out my paychecks. which sucks. cause i do not want to carry that much money on me. so yeah. everyday i am praying for a windfall. and for that person who screwed me over to die a horrible and painful death. but mianly for a windfall. cause lord knows i deserve it. and well in need of it. my mom had to pay my netflix for me. of course i gave her money to do it.

other than the lifes been ok. co workers suck ass. but i'm not getting into that. otherwise i'll be here all night. love lifes good. no complaints on my part. physically, emotionally, mentally its practically perfect. my only vice is he's frickin picky when it comes to food. but thats all.

ok thats all for now.
later kiddies.

3 Protect Me From What I Want | Protège Moi?

[18 Mar 2009|08:34pm]
Hello I'm Daria169's bf & I'm stealing her account for a quick second. She hit my eye while cuddling durring a movie, it still stings XD.
Protège Moi?

glee... [05 Mar 2009|05:21pm]
haha my boyfriend is way too good to be true in every sense of the word. i know we;ve only been together oh two months but he is almost perfect. yeah thats all i have to say. haha. ok later dudes. and dudettes.
Protège Moi?

hello kiddies... [22 Feb 2009|10:45pm]
[ mood | calm ]

long time no post eh.

well lets see what has gone on in my life. not much just work. and hanging out with the boy. which has been quite fun and interesting at times. work is the same as always my pay sucks. and i owe money on my taxes which sucks even more. boo!!!!! other than things have been good i've gone out every weekend since the year begin so i guess you could say this year is definately different than last year and different in a good way and not a bad way. i have a new phone it was my birthday gift to myself. i got the lg voyager. its cool cause its touch screen and has a qwerty keyboard which is good for texting which i have done a lot. ok more than a lot but yeah you get the point i think. ok i think thats all.

laters peoples.

Protège Moi?

love survey via myspace bulletin [21 Jan 2009|12:18am]
♥ What are your middle names?
mine is marie his is tuck

♥ How long have you been together?
12 days.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating?
9 days

♥ Who asked who out?
he asked me out. just to hang out and than it kind if turned into a date and now we're boyfriend and girlfriend

♥ How old are each of you?
i'm 24. he's 23

♥ Do you have any children together?

♥ What about pets?
none shared. he has a cat. i have a cat.

♥ Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
none yet

♥ Did you go to the same school?

♥ Are you from the same home town?

♥ Do you live in the same town now?

♥ Who is the smartest?
both equally

♥ Who is the most sensitive?
no clue

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple?
none yet.

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
san francisco. haha
♥ Who has the craziest exes?
he's got more me i just have a crazy one

♥ Who has the worst temper?
no clue yet

♥ Who does the cookin?
so far no one

♥ Who is more social?
we both are

♥ Who is the neat-freak?
me i guess

♥ Who is the most stubborn?

♥ Who hogs the bed?
i probably do. but right now its equally shared

♥ Who wakes up earlier?

♥ Where was your first date?
went to the movies and food

♥ Who has the bigger family?
he does

♥ Do you get flowers often?
not yet

♥ How do you spend the holidays?
we met new years. so no clue yet

♥ Who is more jealous?
neither of us so far. i think its cute when girls check him out. cause at least i can trust him not to do anything about it.

♥ How long did it take to get serious?
not that long. haha

♥ Who sings better?
we're both ok singers

♥ Who does the laundry?
i do mine. i don't know who does his.
Protège Moi?

could life get any better... [16 Jan 2009|01:04am]
actually it could, me having a license and car. and my school loan being completely paid off. but other than that. i love my life right now. its literally been the best year ever so far. sure this year is only oh 15 days old. but i don't care.

lets see so far i've gone to 2 parties. hung out with friends. got a new boyfriend! woo! go me! made some new friends. and got a raise at work. ok it was ten cents but still. but yeah thats really all that's gone on. but i've enjoyed every minute of it. especially the boyfriend part.

ok thats really all i have to write.

Protège Moi?

well it hasn;t even been that long and so much as happend... [07 Jan 2009|11:01pm]
well first off i'm tired of trying to go after a guy thay says he likes me but won't do anything about it.

ok lets see...
new years eve went to work than forever 21 than home. had much fun new years eve. i met ruth, camilla, jasen, rodney, robert and jess finally. but yeah very cool people.

new years day got home around 11am post pictures online than fell asleep and woke up 8 hours later and it was still new years day. so got up for a bit don't remember what i did. than went back to sleep for about an hour. woke up went to work. friday night went to party at ruth's house. first jasen got sick than i got sick in the process of me trying to get him to feel better. at one point when we were both semi-recovered we helped our friend rodney who was sick as dog. than worked that saturday and i was dead tired. ...ok i'm getting tired typing this. one last thing customer maybe out and a new guy maybe in his place. hahaha this one i actually talk to everyday and a whole day through text. and he's super sweet and cute.
Protège Moi?

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